Ode to the Baconator

Recently, Wendy’s has created the most delicious burger in the world. It is the greatest thing to ever have happened to my mouth. The Baconator. It sounds, frightening almost, like the Terminator, or something of a similar, gigantic robotic nature. There is nothing to pick off this burger, as there are on others. I usually have a small pile of unwanted vegetables which are later folded into the burger wrapper but nay, not this time. This time there is nothing but foil left.

The applewood smoked bacon is the most delectable thing you will have ever tasted in the world of fast food. The burger is probably steeped in calories, but you don’t care, can’t care, because the burger is the ambrosia of the fat man. It is such to be craved, and not eaten on a daily basis. You would not eat cake every day, and you could not eat the Baconator every day, for fear of nullifying the taste of victory, and the taste of celebration. With cake you have lived another year, with the Baconator you are celebrating the entirety of life, and of the American dream.

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“It’s So Fluffy, I’m Gonna Die!”—Warning! Spoiler Alert!

I think it’s high time I did a movie review.  I finally saw Despicable Me and it was everything it was cracked up to be and more. It’s got its own mascots (the Minions), the cutest animated little girl of all time (Agnes), and a villain who learns a life lesson. What’s not to love? Not to mention the hilarity of the whole thing. The plot is simple, but well done. It keeps the whole family laughing. The only thing I have to wonder is how many little kids like it. I would guess quite a few, but I know most of the adults and teenagers I know adore the movie. It’s cute, funny, and something everyone can like.

I think the reason it’s so enjoyable is because of the zaniness but also the serious undertone. It’s a really sweet and sad movie in some ways, because despite the fact that the three girls make you laugh you can’t help but want them to have a great home. Gru yearns for his mother to be proud of him. Vector wants to be somebody cool. And you actually can’t steal the moon.

The cast was pretty impressive for a kid’s movie. Steve Caroll, Jason Segel, and Russell Brand are the three main adult characters. Steve Caroll does well for kid’s movies, but I don’t like the Office much. Jason Segel plays Marshall, my favorite character from How I Met Your Mother and Russell Brand is hilarious. Elsie Fisher is adorable in real life as well as when she plays Agnes. Dana Gaier and Miranda Cosgrove did well too.

The minions are probably the best part of Despicable Me, however. They are adorable and carry the most gags throughout the film. Everyone adores the minions and wishes they had their own. The minions act as Gru’s workers and lead a sort of office like job and life. Gru knows them personally, and calls them by name.  They don’t seem to leave his house much, but will do so in disguise.

A great movie for all ages.

Food Poisoning

Food poisoning is a serious problem, people! Not only can it kill you, it’s one of the worst things to get that isn’t traditionally fatal. I ate some bad Chinese once and got sicker than I’ve ever been. I spent the whole night emptying out and spent the following day sleeping on the couch because every limb in my body hurt. Sure, it lasted two days, but those were two days of total misery the worst part being it could have been fatal. Ok, ok, maybe I’m over-reacting but people have died from food poisoning. In the movie Food Inc, they follow a woman who lost a perfectly healthy little boy to food poisoning. In the USA, so don’t think this is some third world country and it’ll never happen to you. But why take the risk? Fight for stricter food laws. This is not ok. There should be more regulation for our safety.  I could either spend two days in misery or be dead. Neither looks promising. Stop this nonsense and stop contaminated food from even happening.  

Freaks!

    Have you ever felt weird, or out of place? Have you ever wondered if something was wrong with you because you didn't fit in?
    Don't. Don't hide yourself to match someone else's standards. As Dr. Seuss would say, "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." I can guarantee you will find someone who will like you. They may not go to your school, or work with you, or even live in your hometown. But there are people for you. I'm not one of the "popular" kids but I have a lot of friends. You don't have to buy things from a certain place to be "cool". You are already cool, you're just cool to certain people.
   I'm sick of hearing people calling others weird or strange because they have different interests. Who handed you a mallet and made you supreme ruler? Who gave you the right to scorn that which you don't understand? Take a look at yourself, and how stupid you look pointing the finger of scorn at someone. Who is cooler, the person who can accept people for who they are or the person can only accept people who buy and like the "right" things?
   Learn to love, and forget hate. Love yourself, and love others as a whole. There may be people who bother you, people who aren't like you. You may not understand them. They could be a nice wonderful person, but if they like Star Trek they're a freak? Hardly. Quit hiding your obsessions, we all know you have some. I'll admit, I'm obsessed with Japanese culture, the language, everything. I love it. I find it absolutely fascinating and invigorating. When I was in middle school, I was one of those "freak kids" until about the end of seventh grade. I made five friends that would change my life forever. They were like me, they were weird. Still are.
   In high school I made even more friends with the same "weird" interests as me. As it would turn out, I'm not so weird after all. There are quite a few people that share my interests and Japanese culture has a huge following in the States, especially anime. In fact, they hold conventions for weird people like me. Crazy huh? Thousands of weirdos all in one vicinity. Suppose you went there and you weren't interested in anime or Japan. Then who's weird? The tables have turned. The point is, either no one is weird or everyone is. Embrace it. You're weird, but you've got weird friends awaiting you. Wonderful weird friends who'll let you be who you want to be. Suddenly, life isn't quite so bad anymore, is it?

Being Politically Correct is Incorrect

                Society expects politeness to the point of ridiculousness. “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Don’t belittle something.   We can argue forever on the crudity of toilet paper versus bathroom tissue but they are the same thing. The difference is the tone. An honest tone, or a politically correct tone.

                Euphemisms make English sound dry, and flaky. It sounds like a lie, like something is being covered up, which in essence, it is. Don’t worry Walmart; my delicate maiden ears can handle toilet paper. We must protect innocent minds right? Ignorance is bliss. Why can’t we tell it like it is?

Don’t censor Huckleberry Finn, that’s the way that things were and by covering up history we never prevent it from happening again. If children don’t know how Black people were treated before the Civil Rights Movement how will they be able to prevent that happening to another race? Some things are horrible, yes, but that doesn’t mean we should turn away.  

The world is beautiful, but it is also very ugly. How will we ever understand it, however, if we don’t look at both aspects? Nothing is ever just black and white. There is no truly good and there is no truly evil. Even Hitler, perhaps the foulest creature to ever walk this Earth, gained some sympathy from me about his past. I could not forgive the man he was, but I felt some sorrow for his plight.

He had a hard childhood, filled with pitfalls that led him to the angry man he was. I understand the process, and look to troubled families of today. Could not one of those children become something so awful? It makes all the difference doesn’t it? How can a problem be prevented without first understanding it?

So be honest about things and don’t try to cover something up because ignorance is perhaps the most dangerous state of all.

Equal Opportunity

                America is the land of opportunity; opportunities which are supposed to benefit all who live here and all who come here. All minorities are given a chance to excel here, but does this go too far? I think that it does with our current affirmative action policies. Ideally, affirmative action isn’t a bad idea. Making sure that schools aren’t biased against any minority is a wonderful idea, but affirmative action goes too far.

                Instead of merely looking after a minority it takes away the equal opportunity for everyone. One person’s opportunities should not outweigh another’s, they should be the same as another’s. The Government should not be telling schools which students to enroll or who businesses should hire. They should be ensuring that these places are free from discrimination. It is not fair to a minority to be turned down because they’re a minority but it is also not fair to turn down a majority because they’re a majority.

                By giving minorities an edge for getting into college or getting a job you are also belittling their skills because the playing field was not the same for them. Is it truly a sense of accomplishment to receive benefits for something you were born into? (or a religion you might choose?) I have a friend who is half African American who was offered a scholarship based on her race. The thought sickened her that that was why she was being given a scholarship. She works hard in school and gets good grades but she knows that these have little to do with her scholarship opportunities. They will help her maintain the scholarship, but they are not why she really was chosen.

                The government has no right to decide who gets into a school or who gets a certain job. They’re job is to punish discrimination, not demand a quota. They have no right to give any minority extra money for simply being a minority. If the minority is in a low income situation they should receive the same benefits that the majority would.

                I think that eventually the affirmative action will dissolve with most of the prejudice as our world begins to move forward. I think that my generation is the least prejudice of them all so far, and that the younger generations will even surpass us. America is about opportunity, which shouldn’t be kept or favored toward anyone.

Travel Essay Attempt 1: Coffeesmiths

The light lull of jazz lures you in as you are embraced by a warm orange glow and a comfortable atmosphere. The air smells lightly of coffee and cream and the temperature is a sort of lukewarm, cool, but not cold, warm, but not hot. From the ceiling hangs about a dozen lights, some curved glass sculptures and others discs, reminiscent of UFOs. Above the counter there is a curved sort of overhang, below which all-black dressed workers scurry about, taking orders, making drinks, and preparing desserts and small lunches.

I approach the counter, knowing exactly what I want. What I want is called 20 Degrees Below, and it is a chocolate sort of smoothie meant to taste like hot chocolate if it were cold. I ask for whipped cream with it, of course, because it is absurd to refuse whipped cream on any sort of coffee shop beverage. I also order a small cup of cookie dough, an exquisite sort of creamy cookie tasting dough with lightly sweet chocolate chips sprinkled within it. I swipe my card, and accept the little plastic cup of cookie dough, complete with spoon, and walk into the dining area.

I almost never get to sit where I’d like to; booths lining either side of the dining room, slightly above the rest of the area. People with laptops almost always beat me to them. Instead, I end up sitting at one of the tables lining the back wall, each one with a small silk flower arrangement. In front of the tables, perfect for a cold day, there are cushy chairs and a fireplace, beside which is a rack of news papers. Small tables sit beside each chair and each is adorned with a small lamp.

The dining area is quiet, with only hushed murmurs, or small talk between the customers. It is similar to a library, where no one is loud, but none are silent. The counter is loud, the near constant roar of coffee making machinery.  One of the workers brings me my beverage in a clear plastic cup, save for the Coffeesmiths logo and a small marking that says “20◦”. The straw tip is covered by part of the wrapper, a nice but small touch, much like hotels where the toilet paper is folded in a triangle at the end.

It is as though time stands still in the Coffeesmiths, you could stay the whole day and not be kicked out until close. It is a sort of peace, knowing that there is a place where the world moves slowly and there is no sense of rush, no need to return to your life until you decide you should do so. It is the same feeling as a free Saturday, where you wake up late, and breakfast lasts all of the morning, until you decide to go out for exploration and later lunch. Life is easy there, and slow. There isn’t a waiter or waitress who will check on you, waiting for you to ask for your check and leave. There is only you, and when you decide to leave.